There are some funny quotes out there about the year 2020. One of my favorites is this one referencing the movie Back to the Future: “Marty, whatever happens, don’t ever go to 2020!” I’m thankful that we can have a lighthearted moment about all that happened that year, but let’s face it, 2020 was rough! I can’t think of one person who doesn’t have a hard story about that time.

For me, I was very ill with severe pneumonia for the first three months of 2020. Having a history of serious asthma, there were a few times I wasn’t sure I would make it. My breathing was incredibly labored, which made it very difficult to do even the smallest things. Even after the pneumonia was mostly resolved, my breathing was a wreck. Making my bed, walking to the mailbox, doing laundry, climbing the stairs in my home ... all these things were nearly impossible for me to do because I simply could not breathe. Around the time I began to recover from the pneumonia, the covid lockdowns happened, which meant even more isolation. Then in May, a tumor was found in my spinal canal and a week later I had surgery to remove it. Thankfully, it was benign, but it was a very long and painful recovery. During all of this, my anxiety was through the roof and if I’m being honest, I was angry too. Unfortunately, the lethal combination of fear and anger had caused me to question God’s goodness, power, and love.

Then, one day shortly after my surgery, I read Psalm 78, which I’ve read many times in my life, but this time I saw and understood something I never had before. It was a moment of loving rebuke and a call to healing repentance. Much of Psalm 78 is a retelling of some of Israel’s history. It recounts many of the miracles God performed on their behalf. Remarkable things! Then in verses 19 and 20 it says, “They spoke against God; they said, ‘Can God really spread a table in the wilderness? True, he struck the rock, and water gushed out, streams flowed abundantly, but can he also give us bread? Can he supply meat for his people?’” We don’t really know the tone in which this was said, but it sounds pretty snarky to me! They grumbled against the Lord and seemed to take for granted all that the Lord had done. Immediately following this, in verses 21 and 22 it says, “When the LORD heard them, he was furious; his fire broke out against Jacob, and his wrath rose against Israel, for they did not believe in God or trust in his deliverance.” Another translation says they “did not trust in his saving power.” Unbelief is a big deal! It doesn’t say He was furious because of their grumbling, but because of their unbelief. I was struck forcefully with the understanding that this was me. I was full of unbelief and did not trust in His saving power.

God’s correction, conviction and call to repentance is such a loving gift! I repented that day. And I have not been the same since. I felt in my soul that the Lord was reminding me that I have no control over an invisible virus and that all my maniacal efforts to try to protect and save myself were making me (and my family) crazy. He reminded me that He is sovereign! He is sovereign over my beginning and sovereign over my end. And if it is my time to go, then there’s nothing I can do to prevent it and if it’s not my time to go, then there’s nothing that can take me. He wanted me to truly believe Him!

Fear and anxiety have dogged me my whole life. On this day, however, this passage, and this prayer of repentance was anointed to change me. I’m not saying that I am never afraid or anxious anymore, but I am different. Over the years I’ve realized that one way I have tried to manage my anxiety is through control. The thing is, we are able to control very, very little in this life. Control is often an illusion we create to make ourselves feel better. But the good news is that God IS in control, and we can trust Him. When I stagger back into those old ways of thinking and acting, I pray and confess Psalm 78:22, “I believe in God and I trust in His saving power!” 

Additionally, the beginning of Psalm 78 is an admonition to tell the next generation all that God has done. It says in verse 4, “... we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.” And then in verse 7 it says, “Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands.” So let us not just share our faith stories with neighbors and strangers, which is an awesome thing to do, but to also share our faith stories with the “next generation” in our lives so that they, too, will believe in God and trust in His saving power!