My dear wife, and I, her constant caregiver, had been steadily consumed by her dementia for 16 years. Death was near as she had forgotten how to swallow two weeks prior and had no food or drink since. Her mind had gone but her body was strong and struggled beyond reason to live. I was very weary that last morning, and prayed desperately, “God, show up now!” Within the hour, I had a call from a dependable guide of one of my caregiver support groups, who told me to read Scripture to her. The first available Scripture lay by our bedside, “Suggested Scripture Readings for a Resurrection Service,” given by the pastor who was planning her memorial service with me. I read, not at all sure my comatose wife could hear it, three Old Testament passages, and then Psalm 90:1-9. I read the line, “our years come to an end like a sigh.” Instantly, my wife opened her eyes, turned her head and looked at me for the first time in weeks, with a stunned look on her face, took a deep breath and died! This was her final heartbeat. I did not cry or even feel sad. My countenance was filled with joy and relief! I knew my God, Lord and Savior, was right there with us! When my daughter arrived, I sat by her for an hour feeling such peace and joy with thoughts that I had a “new life.”
I had learned through many of the dramatic circumstances of my wife’s 16-year battle with dementia, that God had not abandoned us. Early in her mental decline, she fell as I held one hand firmly, but my other hand was full, and I could not catch her. She broke a wrist trying to catch herself. From then on when she was in unfamiliar territory, I held her hand with the other hand free to catch her, which I did dozens of times, avoiding injury. I never left anything at home on the floor and never moved furniture after that. I praised God for teaching me how to catch her and avoid falls.
On another occasion, I left her for seconds on a 16-foot-high deck to bring her a drink. I heard a thump and rushed out to find her 20 feet away from the deck plopped on top of a city trash can. She had miraculously fallen through the gate of the deck, rolled down a 2x4 railing and onto the plastic can. She was uninjured! The trash can was on a concrete drive and would have been typically on the street for pickup that evening which would have given her no safe place to land. Her guardian angels had escorted her to safety! I learned again from this fall, that God was on the job too, and that I was not alone in protecting her.
The next few months after she passed, I was pushed by my loneliness to find companionship. I attended three grief support groups a month, went to two different church services most Sundays, ate with others at Senior Services three days a week, rode the bus regularly instead of driving alone, visited with three lady acquaintances, attended the Wild Goose Festival and AwakeningSoul Conference, and packed/handed out food at my church six times a month. I was truly going out purposely in search of the “her” I needed for my new life. It worked! I met, fell in love — love as strong as I had felt at once when I met my first wife 65 years previously — dated for a year, and remarried. Graciously, I have moved from loss to certainty. I am deeply thankful for the “new life” which God has planted in my soul following the hard years of plowing. I am deeply grateful for the new season of life that God has given through my loss.
I had followed Jesus for most of my life but after this miracle, I had an overwhelming sense that everything I had ever believed was not enough. I needed to grow and continue to expand my relationship with Him. I have learned that one of the great proofs of a loving God manifests not just when life goes well, but also when unimaginably severe events occur. In the face of my loss and the miraculous final breath of my wife, I could never again deny that God was faithfully loving us through the good and tough times. The Holy Spirit was providing hope in the dark times from a realm beyond my human experience and wanted to help me see this as I turned toward Him. Because of His loving presence I became more alive amid the loss. Many things that I once spent my time and energy on no longer matter. Even though my circumstances were unchanged for many years, I had changed. I had been given a new life and a new wife after 60 years of marriage. He had developed in me the confidence to move forward with certainty! Praise God!
[This last paragraph is adapted from Paula D’Arcy, conference speaker and founder of The Red Bird Foundation. She expressed in her writing what I felt so perfectly, with personalization by me].