Two simple words changed my life forever: “He’s gone.” In an instant our lives can change. My husband and best friend of 24 years had suddenly gone home to be with Jesus. No warning, no good-byes, just simply gone, and final. I have known the Lord most of my life and still, overwhelmed by grief, I found myself lost, broken and drowning in fear. Why did this happen? How do I raise our kids alone? And how do I keep living without him? In these moments of great sorrow, I couldn’t even formulate the words to pray, and so I just cried out to God literally.
Psalm 107 tells us not once but four times that “they cried unto the Lord in their trouble and he delivered them, he saved them and he brought them out of their distresses” (verses 6, 13, 19, 28). The last year has brought great distress in my life, and so I cried out to the Lord daily and still do. I felt God speaking directly to me because just like the Israelites, I’m hardheaded and needed it repeated four times! I don’t need the right words to speak. I don’t even need words at all. He knows my heart, He knows my pain, He knows my needs and His “mercy endures forever.”
The Psalm goes on to tell of hunger, thirst, longing and affliction. This chapter describes four pictures of the nation’s captivity. There are distressed travelers being guided to the city, prisoners in a dungeon being released, sick men restored to health and sailors brought to their destination. Each story tells of a problem, a prayer, God’s provision and praise. In ALL troubles God will provide. He will command the wind and waves that overtake us and as verse 28 says, “He makes the storm calm, so that the waves are still.”
Every day I feel the waves of grief keep coming and coming and coming with no reprieve. But still, I cry out to the Lord in my trouble. I have learned that grieving does not mean one has a lack of faith. It’s not a sign of weakness but the price of love. I miss my husband every single day. He is the love of my life, my flesh, my soulmate, and we were blessed to have more love in our years together than most have in a lifetime.
While I don’t yet know the plans God has for my life, nor the purpose for my young beginning as a widow, I will continue to trust and “praise the Lord for his goodness and for his wonderful works.” He repeats that four times as well in Psalm 107. Praise … that’s a hard thing to do while in pain. But I encourage those in troubled times to engulf yourself in praise and worship music. In the deepest valley, praying, reading the Bible and praising the Lord can be hard to do, overwhelming and exhausting but just listen. Keep the music on as often as you can and allow the Lord to speak to your broken heart. You may be lost in the storm, with the waves crashing over your head, but keep listening and one day you will begin to heal. Before you know it, you will once again sing the words and worship your healer. And as you begin to heal, God calls us to proclaim His deliverance. We, the redeemed, are to “say so” and tell our story of His unfailing love and faithfulness.
He does not promise us a life without pain and sorrow. In fact, like He allowed Job’s circumstances to unfold, God uses the troubles of His people in mighty ways to show His sovereignty and orchestrate His plans for the saving of others and growing our relationship with Him. Since my husband passed, I know of two people who have come to know the Lord for the first time, and countless others have changed their lives because of his legacy. And I have had the privilege to meet some amazing people through GriefShare and bond with widows in such ways that were not possible a year ago. The Lord is molding our family’s testimony through our grief, and like verses 42 and 43 state, “The righteous shall see it and rejoice. Whoever is wise and observes these things will understand the loving kindness of the Lord.”
Lord, thank you for allowing me to cry out to you. My hope, my Redeemer, my Healer.
With all my gratitude,
I love you, Amen!