Solomon’s words in Ecclesiastes are often a sober reset when we consider our past — “All is vanity.” Outside of a relationship with God, everything one dreams, says, thinks or does is meaningless. All labor, possessions, strivings and pleasures are futile. We say, we think, we do and we have, thinking that we have seized something of significance. But Solomon’s wisdom haunts us with a question: Do we, really? In all our striving apart from the counsel of God, does anything really matter?
As a young Christian woman, I believed that my greatest joy would be that of having children. I envisioned lots of hospital visits ending in white-cotton-wrapped infants surrounded by smiling family and tears of joy. I pictured lots of kids surrounding a huge table of food, sharing joy and laughter like the classic Norman Rockwell large family depiction. I married young, finding the love of my life, with all these secret dreams stored in my heart. I expectantly went to my doctor for yearly checkups, longing for the day I would be told, “congratulations, your test is confirmed! In seven and a half months you’ll be a MOM!”
Instead, I was told that my “congratulations” day would probably never come. Instead, I would be barren and, if I got pregnant by some miracle, I would not be able to carry a baby to term in my body. Time passed, year after year, until 5 years went by and, surprise, I became pregnant. Even though I was put on bedrest, I miscarried. I became pregnant, again, placed on bedrest, again and miscarried. Again and again, pregnancy then miscarriage. I did get pregnant again and bedrest again, but this time I laid in bed for seven months and gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby. MY WORLD WAS COMPLETE, or so I thought ... .
Seemingly, out of nowhere, a haunting thought entered my soul: What if this whole world of mine crumbled and was taken away? What would I do if this child were suddenly snatched from me? How could I survive? I was gripped by the terror of what might happen. A cruel worry replaced the peace that had been mine since my early salvation experience. It was as if I had suddenly lost my emotional center, replaced by an oppressive cycle of love, care, worry, dread, depression and repeat.
Then thankfully, the Holy Spirit began to convict me of something. Who or what was on the throne of my heart? I thought it was Jesus. I believed HE is the Son of God who came to trade HIS righteousness for my sinful life, that I would gain eternal life through HIM. Yet, my heart, the center of my life, was all about the fragile and delicate life of this child. So much so, I believe GOD used an event, an opportune moment where this baby could be taken away to show me that my child was not to be the center of my life. My world was not to revolve around her life. The throne of my heart was HIS alone, not to be shared with anyone or anything else! I had given it to HIM years before, but now I was to surrender my child to HIS will. God’s beautiful Spirit rescued me from making my daughter into an idol — a god that could never fulfill me and would lead me into vanity and futility.
Years later, Psalm 127 confirmed this bold truth taught by the Spirit of God to my idolatrous heart. WE don’t make families! Our plans and dreams, apart from Him, are vain. Anything we do that doesn’t put God squarely at the center of our lives will ultimately lead to futility and depression. But when we see the LORD, in His rightful place of loving sovereignty, then, and only then, is there richness and fulness of joy:
It is only because of GOD that any person can say, think or do. It is only because HE gives that we have the resources, life or even children that we count as blessings from His hand. We can do nothing without HIM. Our relationship with the FATHER through the Son and our relationships with each other is all that matters, because this will last for eternity! (John 17:3) How beautiful are HIS Words and painful the pruning that brings sweet fruit by the HOLY SPIRIT. All else is vanity. Thank You, Father, for clearly revealing our vain striving, and gently leading our hearts back to the truth that is Your Son!