As a preacher, helping people deal with the end of life is an important part of my duties. Every week, members reach out to their church for pastoral support because they are facing a death situation. Some have a sick friend struggling in ICU. Others have received a bad doctor’s report. And of course, all too often, some are mourning for a loved one who has passed.
When they call, I minister to them in four ways: I express heartfelt concern; I ask how we can help; I assure them that their church will be praying; and I remind them of the promises of Jesus:
I also like to direct people who are grieving to meditate on Psalm 116, a passage that has brought a lot of peace to me. Like many of you, my family has walked many times through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. We have experienced “expected” deaths (aging grandparents). But we also have faced several tragedies that flipped our world upside down.
About 25 years ago, I was invited to preach a weekend revival at my wife’s home church in Kentucky. She did not accompany me because our kids had full schedules. I stayed with her parents who were key leaders in the church.
On Saturday morning, I spoke at a men’s prayer breakfast. Afterwards, my father-in-law took me aside and told me how proud he was of me. That meant so much, because he is one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. So we hugged, and he said, “See you this afternoon at the house.” And he climbed into his truck and headed off to his family’s farm, which was near Richmond.
I was invited to play golf with several men that morning. So we loaded in a church van and headed south to a course that was also near Richmond. As we traveled on the interstate, we drove up on a horrible chain reaction accident that involved over 30 vehicles. It was a mangled mess that blocked both lanes. But traffic was able to creep by using the berm lane.
The worst wreck involved an 18 wheeler that had smashed into the backside of a pickup truck. That truck was crushed so badly that I said out loud: “Somewhere right now there is a family who is about to have a bad, bad day.” One of the men agreed and asked me to pray for that family. Little did I know, I was praying for me.
Later that day (after golf), I drove back to the family house. When I arrived, there was a state trooper’s car in the driveway. Instantly I knew why he was there. The pickup truck that was crushed in the wreck belonged to my wife’s father.
I walked inside and thanked the officer, and I told him I had driven past the wreck. He expressed his condolences and left. So I turned my attention to my mother-in-law, who was sobbing on the couch.
I knelt down at her feet, put my head on her lap and we wept together. As she cried, she kept saying the same thing: “Nelson’s gone! What am I going to do? How can I break the news to our four kids?” At that moment, it hit me: the reason why the church had asked me to come speak that weekend was because God needed me to be there with her.
As we talked, I took her Bible and opened it to Psalm 116. She already knew all the promises of Jesus. But that Psalm (for me) checked all the boxes of what she needed to hear.
For context: Psalm 116 was written by David as a testimony of the lows and highs he experienced when his infant son (born to Bathsheba) died. (The sordid story of David’s adultery with Bathsheba is recorded in 2 Samuel, chapters 11-12.) When his child became sick, David fasted and prayed for seven days, pleading with God to heal him. But on the seventh day, the child died.
That experience is what David was describing in Psalm 116. You should read it all, but here are some selected slices that will bless you. (Words in parentheses are my editorial additions.)
Last thought: In 2 Samuel 12, we learn that after his son died, David got up, took a bath, put on his royal clothes, worshipped at the Lord’s Tabernacle and ate a meal. His servants were stunned and asked why his countenance had so suddenly changed.
David explained: “While my child was still alive, I fasted and wept, hoping: ‘Who knows? The LORD may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? I cannot bring him back. He will not return to me, but someday I will go to him.”
By faith David realized what you and I know: when you visit the grave of a believer, you are walking in the land of the living, because we have a living hope in Jesus Christ, our risen Savior!